The Texas Cainsaw Massacre

There’s something indescribably romantic about baseball. And Tony Bennett. Even if you go see the Houston Lastros take on the offensively challenged San Francisco Giants, you just might see something you can tell your grandchildren about. And tonight that happened in the form of Matt Cain: the class of the San Francisco Giants organization.

Unstoppable, unflappable & underrated are three adjectives that best describe the gamer that Matt Cain is. Often overshadowed by the Tim Lincecum trophy case or the Brian Wilson aura, Cain is the definition of calm, collected & cruise control. And hell yes this is a ballad. So dammit, just go with it.

Drafted at just 17 years of age by the Giants in the 2002 MLB Draft (25th overall), “Big Sugar” can take out the trash, fix your water heater and lull you to sleep. He’s a proven big game pitcher and is more down to Earth than your Grandmama on Thanksgiving. People forget he didn’t allow a single earned run in the 2010 MLB Playoffs. People forget his name in the “best pitcher in baseball discussions.” People forget he’s had the worst run support of any pitcher in Major League Baseball history with at least 150 starts (Elias Sports Bureau). Look it up, it’s a fact.

Matt Cain is a man’s man. I’d let him take my daughter to Prom (even if he is married). And I’d toss him the keys to the ‘65 Mustang Coupe too. You know why? Because he’s a stud. And he’s our stud.

Cain is the antithesis of Barry Zito. After signing him in April to the largest contract ever given to a right-handed starter (5-years, $112.5 million), the Giants front office is probably looking to give Cain a raise just for good measure. Maybe not. But they’re definitely looking to exercise that 2018 option.

Lost in the shuffle of all the confetti and strikeouts is the Giants’ version of Captain America: Buster freaking Posey. Behind the dish, he called every single pitch tonight. Matt Cain didn’t shake him once. He’s our prodigious quarterback with a knack for the heroic. Buster Posey may as well be Abraham Lincoln. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s slayed a few vampires too. Matt Cain hurling to Buster Posey? That’s some good ‘ole fashioned country hardball. These are our homegrown Giants. And we’re lucky to watch them.

Call it the Texas Cainsaw Massacre. From Gregor Blanco’s Willie Maysian clutch catch to the coming out party of Brandon Belt, tonight was a great night to be at the yard. The dude struck out more Astros than they put balls in play. It had a playoff vibe on the eve of the 2012 US Open at San Francisco’s own, The Olympic Club (where my parents had their wedding reception in 1986 too!) Thanks for procreating me so I could witness Matt Cain’s greatness.

Tonight is why kids everywhere should play baseball. Tonight is why baseball is my favorite sport. And tonight is one of those nights when after all the adrenaline tapers off and you lay your head to rest you find yourself just staring up at the ceiling with a grin on your face.

A Perfect Cain. Just has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Oh yeah, and the Dodgers lost tonight too.

Don’t look now, but the Giants are marching. And I can guarantee you that no team wants to see #18 come playoff time.


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Carolyn Lecce on June 14, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    BEST tribute ever – well written – I will read and re-read this for some time! Thank you for helping extend last night’s historical moment, resonate in my being like a first-taste of a great wine. Thank you for sharing your gift of the written word with the world!


  2. Posted by codysmybrody on June 14, 2012 at 12:16 PM

    U killed it as always, SJ! To quote the great Irene Cara…”what a muhf**kin feeling!!” Oh, wait, thats the Dan Band version…lol.


  3. Posted by Coach Duffy on June 14, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    Nailed it!


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